The Absolute Worst Diets Ever

We’ve got our big “Sportsman’s Expo” coming up July 19-21 and because it attracts men from all over the Ark-La-Tex, I figured this would give me the chance to help my morning show partner, Julie, find a man; MY kind of man!  Hey, if this guy is going to help mold her into a real Louisiana woman, I’m thinking I better make sure he’s molding her into a woman that I can spend 4 hours a day with in a 10 X 10 room!

She’s already a pretty girl and she’s in good shape, but in an effort to put her at the top of her game, I’m running her through a mini-boot camp.  I’m hoping she’ll come out of this thing better than Tiffany Lakosky of “Lee and Tiffany” on The Outdoor Channel.

Part of the process, as we all know, is diet.  And this morning, we’ve discovered a few TERRIBLE diets. 

How about “The Slimming Soap Diet?”  A diet fad that uses seaweed-based soap to wash away the pounds.  Works almost like fat reduction surgery, without the surgery, or the fat reduction for that matter.  Apparently we just scrub the fat away.  At $20 per bar of soap, this one will definitely help you reduce the size of your unsightly wallet.

And then there's the chewing diet! This one started way back in the time of King Edward and, in it, the dieter must chew their food at least 32 times, and then allow the food to trickle down their throat. The really attractive aspect of this particular diet is that you get to spit out any chunks too big to swallow.  It promises to make you an instant hit at your favorite restaurant.

And our personal favorite is the “Jockey’s Diet.”  Dating back to early in the last century, some people evidently decided that it would be a good idea to introduce tapeworms into their digestive systems for dieting purposes.  Hey, having tapeworm inside your digestive track to help you eat all of the food you love can't be a bad thing, can it?  Apart from the nausea, infections, and possible death, it sure sounds like a great idea, doesn’t it?

Maybe we’ll just leave well enough alone and hope her attractive archery skills are good enough to put her over the top.