My Quest For A White Christmas

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas...because I've never had one.

I hear that song every year during the holidays, and it makes me feel kinda empty and left out. I mean, I've never known a white Christmas like Big Crosby had. I've never woken up on a crisp Christmas morning and peeked out of the window to gaze upon a winter wonderland of newly fallen powder. Never....not even once in my 41 years. And why? Because I'm from Louisiana, where an inch and a half of sleet/snow mix is considered a state of emergency.

I've always wanted a white Christmas as far back as I can remember, but being from here, it just never happened. As a matter of fact, I remember a car dealer making a deal where if it snowed on Christmas Day, the first 30 cars they sold in the month of December would be free. They panicked when it snowed on December 15th, but by the 25th, the weather had already warmed up into the 40's and it rained. I'm sure their accountants were happy about that.

In 1999, I moved away from the swampy sub-tropical climate of Northwest Louisiana to Germany. The US Air Force, I thought, was about to provide me my first snowy Yule. December of '99 was unseasonably warm, so no go there. A few months later, I started dating a girl from Pennsylvania who regaled me her stories of white Christmases. I scowled at her brags. I had to inform her that in Louisiana, we don't have snow on Christmas...sometimes it ain't even cold. This explanation came after we watched "Steel Magnolias." She said, "I thought this was supposed to be Christmas...they aren't dressed for winter." I had to explain that sometimes, winter in Shreveport was 65 degrees. It blew her mind.

Christmas of 2000 was coming, and it was cold. A good dry German cold in the mountains where I lived. On December 22nd, there came a snow. And it snowed and snowed. Surely the snow would stick around long enough for me to have my first white Christmas in this beautiful countryside. By Christmas Eve morning, the snow had stopped falling, but it was still blanketing everything, and I was so very excited! Then the sun came out...and the rain came. By Christmas morning, the once ivory coated landscape had become a dingy, slushy mess. This is a brown Christmas. A dirty, muddy Christmas. Just like the ones I used to know... UGH!

In the Summer of 2001, I moved back home, and still to this day have not seen a single flake of snow fall on December 25th.

BUT...

I'm going to be in Colorado, in the mountains, this Christmas. I've already looked at the weather forecast for Fort Collins and it looks like highs may be in the 40's. NOT snow weather. I hope to at least drive up into the Rockies to make one snow angel, or build one snow Santa, or even chuck one snowball at my unsuspecting girlfriend. And that's all I want for Christmas. Oh and peace on earth and good will toward man...

But really, all I want for Christmas is snow. So I can sing the song and not feel like a big fat liar.