Bald Isn’t a Blanket Solution
I was very happy when the men of the world realized a bald head is a better alternative to a comb over. Mr. Clean is better than THAT ANY day, but it’s not been a rule everyone should follow. It’s almost like a confidence booster…it’s kinda like wearing makeup that enhances your eyes. But, it has come to my attention that when you shave it off, everyone’s eyes automatically gravitate to something else on your head. Here’s some examples:
Pointy head guys: I am good friends with a pointy head guy. He’s a great guy, but he looks much better with a knit hat over his head than just strutting all the baldness. You are accentuating your point, and I’m not sure playing horseshoes with your head is going to be as fun to you as it seems to everyone else.
Pointy ear guys: Ok, so your head is shaped fine, but then your ears are pointy. Mr. Spock could pull it off because his hair was also cut pointy. Round and sharp points make me want to throw gold hoops on your ears. I’d rather see a thinning hairline and you’d probably rather that too.
Pointy Hair and Ear guys: Ok, there is a local guy that I’m NOT going to call out, but most of us have seen him. This is pointy head AND ear guy with no shame and I can’t take him seriously…although I’m sure he’s awesome. I can’t decide where to throw the hoops on this one.
Guys with neck tattoos: I dated this guy once who had “Strength” tattoed on the front of his neck and “Honor” on the back of his neck. Turns out he wasn’t very strong or honorable and I call that FALSE ADVERTISING! Maybe it’s just me, but neck tattoos don’t work out unless you are that hot guy Adam Levine who is on that show with Blake Shelton. I don’t even know if he has a neck tattoo…actually he isn’t even bald… Well, ok, he’s a bad example…but I’m just saying…
Guys with neck hair and no head hair: “Lord Jesus, it’s a fire.” That’s all I have to say about that, thanks, Sweet Brown, for coining a phrase when there would otherwise be no words.
Guys who wear earrings: Oh, this is interesting. So, what if a guy has pointy ears AND is wearing earrings…Hmm…depending on the style of earrings I think that might be passable.
Guys who only have facial hair: I know a guy who is completely clean shaven, head and all, but has sideburns. His friends call him Burns. I call him awesome, but not everyone can pull that off.
So, the moral of the day is:
If you have the choice to shave it off, do it with style.
1. Wear a hat instead of a bandaid (that means YOU Mr. Man I saw in the produce section at Sam’s)!
2. Use sunscreen- I don’t want to see it peel either!
3. Ask a brutally honest person that has a sense of style.
4. And when all else fails, wear a cowboy hat. Lord knows that makes everyone sexier.
Who are some of your favorite baldies?
P.S. I can’t believe someone actually took the time to draw out a patent for the combover!