The Reasons Our Redneck Women are Better Than ‘Normal’ Women
If you've read between the lines in your Bible, it should come as no surprise that God's finest creation was woman.
In fact, if you paid attention in Sunday School, you noticed that God put so much into creating woman, that the minute he was done, he had to take the next day off.
But I'm here to tell you that there are differences between "regular" women and "redneck" women. Those "redneck" women are the absolute best, and the main cause for God's holiday after their creation.
Ever noticed that God made woman from a rib? Not the heart; not an eye. Nope, he made her from man’s rib. And there’s only one thing a man loves as much as his woman and that’s a good old fashioned slab of barbecue baby backs! The big guy up top knows his stuff.
'Course, he made women in all shapes and sizes. And he scattered them out all over the Earth. But his chosen ones, he put right here south of the Mason Dixon. And there are several differences between a “regular old run of the mill woman" and one of the select few to be worthy of the designation “Redneck Women."
It’s my job to point out a few of those differences:
- A regular woman gets excited about new shoes. A Redneck woman gets excited about NASCAR.
- A regular woman goes inside when it’s raining. A Redneck woman will sit through a hurricane if she’s in Death Valley and we’re beating Alabama.
- A regular woman drives a Prius. A Redneck woman rides a four wheeler. Except when she’s got all the kids. Then it’s her 4-wheel drive Suburban with a 4-inch lift kit, glass packs and mud grips.
- A regular woman drinks Cosmopolitans. A Redneck woman drinks Miller Lite from a Red Solo Cup so the kids and her preacher don’t see her popping the top on another can.
- A regular woman is hooked on the Lifetime channel. A Redneck woman has memorized every episode of Duck Dynasty and she’s pretty sure she’d marry Jase if became available.
- A regular woman gets her nails done every week. A Redneck woman will only spit out her Marlboro to chew off what's left of a hangnail.
- A regular woman plays Bunko with the girls. A Redneck woman pays for Christmas with the money she won playing Texas Hold ‘Em at the deer camp.
- A regular woman has a poodle. A Redneck woman has a black lab that can retrieve three mallards at a time and fetch up her thermos of coffee if she forgets it in the duck blind.
- A regular woman likes to scrap book. A Redneck woman can spend a whole day in a deer stand and she’s learned how to pee in a milk jug.
- A regular woman brags about her golf game. A Redneck woman brags about her new Dale Jr. tattoo.
Redneck Women -- they are not only beautiful, but they’re tough-as-nails and they make the prettiest babies in the world. They love Jesus and bass fishing and Powerball. And that's why we Redneck men are so blessed to have 'em.