Punishing the Blue Bell Ice Cream Licker
When they catch the lady who dared to defile our Blue Bell Ice Cream, they should throw the book at her! Seriously, this lady has messed with a southern institution and shouldn't get away with anything less than jail time!
By now, you've heard of the video that went viral of a woman in a Walmart with her friend, opening a half gallon carton of Blue Bell's Tin Roof Ice Cream, licking it, putting the lid back on it and returning it to the freezer. Honestly, as far as I'm concerned, Blue Bell is a national treasure and defacing and defiling it in this way is a CRIME! Sure, there are laws against food tampering and the like, but she should be charged with assault in my humble opinion. After all, she introduced a bodily fluid to the local food supply.
If you've been following the case of the 'licker,' you know they've tried to identify and track this woman down in San Antonio as well as the Houston area... Now, they're pretty sure she was in Lufkin. Let the hunt begin!
Blue Bell has removed every single half gallon of Tin Roof from that Walmart location just to be safe.
Here's what I think should happen to the culprit...
1. Public apology tour to all Walmarts in Texas and Louisiana.
2. Yank her facial jewelry out without warning or sedative.
3. Make her lick cheap store brand ice cream endlessly, for hours. Let her post a video about that!
4. Ban her from every purchasing, owning or consuming Blue Bell Ice Cream ever again... and that goes for every single one of her friends and family members. They'll all hate her so much, it's like instant justice.
5. Of course, lock her up in Angola and throw away the key!
6. Lastly, find the biggest, sweatiest, hairiest man with horrible oral hygiene that you can and have him lick the top of some Tin Roof from Blue Bell... I mean really go to town, right in front of her... Then watch as she eats every single bite. Repeat every single day for a year with different atrocities!