It's true we aren't waking up to three feet of snow blocking our cars in the garage like some parts of the country are this morning. Still, it's quite cold for the deep south. I realize it's been colder but I haven't had a chance to whine about it being cold until now. I should move to Jamaica. I like it warm and humid all the time. Most of the time we have the humidity but we don’t always have the warmth. That means making an adjustment on my part and I don’t like change. My wardrobe is limited to free promotional t-shirts and whatever pants I can find in the dark. It is better suited for warmer temperatures which is why I choose to live where I live. Therefore when the temperature gets below 70 degrees, I have issues.

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    Static Shocks

    They always seem to happen during colder weather, why is it? I think it has something to do with our heating systems drying out the air. We also wear a lot of strange fabrics to keep us warm when it gets cold. The combination of low humidity, strange fabrics and my electric personality usually leads to some rather painful discharges. I should say painful discharges of electricity. There is nothing worse than moving in for a romantic kiss only to feel your lips recoiling in pain from a static shock kiss. Okay there is one thing worse and it involves accidentally bumping your nipple on a microphone

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    What To Do With The Coat?

    Heavy coats are nice when you are outside, but most of us eventually go inside, and that is where the problems start. Most homes are heated to the same temperature as Easy Bake Ovens. That means wearing your coat inside, besides being rude, will make you sweat. You don’t want to be rude and you don’t want to smell like hot dog water either. You take off your coat and then try to find a place to put it. Most people don’t have coat racks so you hang your coat on a chair. Unless someone needs to sit in that chair. If you’re in the movies or on a plane, you have to carry the darn thing in your lap and that creates a hot spot in your lap. Coats are pure evil.

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    Bad Hair

    This relates to the static electricity thing. It is only painful to those who don’t wear hats. Static electricity will make even a supermodel look like the Bride of Frankenstein. No matter how hard or how often your brush your hair, it is going to stand straight up and repel its like charged follicles. I think you can solve static hair rather easily, I would just as soon not have to worry about it at all. This doesn’t happen when there is a heat index in the 90′s.

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    Waiting For The Windshield To Clear

    As I mentioned I wear shorts to work and it is no fun waiting for the car heater to get warm enough to clear the fog and ice off of the windshield. Most of the time it isn’t ice, but a persistent fog that clouds my view of the road. At least with ice you can scrape a port hole big enough to see through. Driving with a limited view can not only be dangerous to the driver but pedestrians and parked cars might pay the price. And the colder weather is to blame for it all.

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    That Awful Heater Smell

    This usually occurs during the first onslaught of colder temperatures as the heater begins to warm up the house. The experts say it is simply the furnace burning some of the dust that has collected in and around the heat source. How much dust do I have in my house? Why does it smell like a roasted version of wet dog? Why does it take until Mid February for me to burn the stink out of my furnace? Give me the cool refreshing feel of ice cold air conditioner air any day.

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