If Game of Thrones Kingdoms Were Louisiana Cities
Game of Thrones is sadly coming to a close this weekend. It's been a wild ride over the last 8 seasons. This has been some of the best TV of this generation, and will go down in history as a top series of all time, and a cultural phenomenon.
For those not familiar, the show is a tale spread across the "Seven Kingdoms", dealing with wars between the leaders of the realm, battles against the undead, and of course, dragons.
It's pretty sweet.
So we've been having some fun with the Game of Thrones lore for a couple weeks, getting it all out of our system before the show ends. So let's try to get another one in.
I went around the office today and read the descriptions of cultures from around the Seven Kingdoms from Game of Thrones (as described on the Game of Thrones Wiki site). Then I asked the staff which city in Louisiana best fit the descriptions.
Here are the results based on my informal staff survey (not by me):
THE VALE - WEST MONROE
From the Game of Thrones Wiki: "The Vale is self-sufficient but not as rich as the Westerlands or as bountiful as the Reach. Valemen place great pride in their lineages, while maintaining a certain arrogance born of isolation. They may not possess the large armies of the Reach or expensively equipped armies of the Westerlands, but throughout the centuries those armies have broken like water on rock against the narrow choke points of the Vale's mountain passes."
THE REACH (HIGHGARDEN) - LAFAYETTE
From the Game of Thrones Wiki: "The Reach is considered the heartland of chivalry in Westeros: the traditions of knighthood and chivalry are therefore taken very seriously in the Reach, as are associated cultural elements such as tournaments, as well as courtly love and romantic intrigue. The noble courts of the Reach are the most sophisticated in Westeros."
THE WESTERLANDS (CASTERLY ROCK) - BATON ROUGE
From the Game of Thrones Wiki: "The Westerlands are very mountainous and by far the richest of the Seven Kingdoms in terms of precious metals and gemstones. While Valemen pride themselves on their lineages and isolation, and Reachmen pride themselves on knightly conduct and valor from their large armies, Westermen pragmatically value whoever has the most gold. Because their kingdom is the richest in precious metals, and also useful metals such as iron, Westermen armies tend to be the best equipped in Westeros, with even their infantry wearing large amounts of plate armor and full-visor helmets (in contrast to the resource-poor Northmen, who often have to make do with chainmail). Because they do not value lineage or knightly conduct so much as they value wealth, Westermen nobles such as the Lannisters have come to be calculating and pragmatic in politics, often defeating their enemies not through valor but simply hiring larger armies."
THE STORMLANDS (STORM'S END) - SHREVEPORT
From the Game of Thrones Wiki: "The Stormlands have neither the gold of the Westerlands nor the fertile fields of the Reach - nor do they even have the defensive mountains that protect the Vale from attack by land. As a result, to defend their territories Stormlanders have had to develop the strongest martial tradition (combat) of any of the Andal kingdoms. Some of the greatest warriors in the history of the Seven Kingdoms have been Stormlanders. Stormlanders are also often skilled and battle-hardened commanders of armies on land and fleets at sea, such as Robert's younger brother Stannis."
THE RIVERLANDS (RIVERRUN) - NATCHITOCHES
From the Game of Thrones Wiki: "Located in the middle of the continent, the Riverlands have long been a contested borderland between the more powerful kingdoms. Because the Riverlands had not ruled themselves as a unified independent kingdom for thousands of years, but were border territories which shifted between control of neighboring kingdoms, the Rivermen are more diverse than other Andal kingdoms, with less of a unified identity. Therefore, if the defining characteristics of Reachmen are their fertile fields and chivalry, of Westermen their gold and riches, of Stormlanders their martial prowess, and Valemen their proud lineages and isolation, the defining characteristic of the Rivermen is their diversity."
THE CROWNLANDS (KING'S LANDING) - NEW ORLEANS
From the Game of Thrones Wiki: "... it does not have much of a distinct "cultural identity", so much as it is shaped by its distinction as the region containing the capital city, King's Landing, which Aegon I Targaryen ordered built there after his conquest. The Crownlanders are an ethnically disparate mix of former Rivermen, former Stormlanders, holdout First Men, and even some Valyrians, divided into basically five geographic sub-sections. When the Targaryens built their new capital city from the ground up, it was a boom town quickly populated by artisans, merchants, and commoners who came from all over the rest of the Seven Kingdoms. As the largest port on the east coast of Westeros, a large number of foreigners from the Free Cities and beyond also live in the city (such as the master-blacksmith Tobho Mott, from the Free City of Qohor). Above them all for three hundred years were the Targaryens, who were ethnically Valyrian, though in such small numbers that they did not constitute another demographic group. Due to their presence there is not really one custom "Crownlander" style of clothing and appearance, so much as local lords and courtiers imitate the fashions set by the royal family."
THE IRON ISLANDS (PYKE) - HOUMA
From the Game of Thrones Wiki: "In modern times, the ironborn generally think of their distinct culture as stretching back without interruption to the Dawn Age, long before the Andals arrived. Even back then, however, their culture had developed so differently from their First Men cousins who were on the mainland that the ironborn only consider themselves to have truly "originated", culturally, on the Iron Islands themselves.The traditional ironborn way of life, known as the Old Way, is centered on piracy and raiding. An ironborn is considered a man only when he has killed his first foe, while his personal wealth is expected to be obtained by "paying the iron price" - that is, seizing it from enemies he has personally killed. An ironborn is also expected to abstain from working the land or toiling in the mines, since such tasks are reserved for thralls - men captured in raids and forced into servitude."
DORNE - LAKE CHARLES
From the Game of Thrones Wiki: "Dorne was the only one of the Seven Kingdoms that managed to maintain its independence during the Targaryen Conquest. The Dornishmen achieved this by resorting to guerrilla warfare: realizing they could not fight the Targaryen dragons or hold out in siege, the Dornish melted away into the deserts to hide when a dragon arrived at one of their castles, then as soon as it left, ambushed Targaryen soldiers and harassed their supply lines. In the rest of the Seven Kingdoms, the Dornish have a reputation for being hot-blooded and sexually licentious. Indeed, Dornishmen have more "relaxed" views towards sexuality and love than the rest of Westeros. The combined effects of this geographic, ethnic, and political isolation has made the culture of the Dornishmen very unique in Westeros."
THE NORTH (WINTERFELL) - GRAMBLING/RUSTON
From the Game of Thrones Wiki: "The Northmen are the proud descendants of the First Men who dwell in the region of Westeros known as the North. The years-long winters that Westeros experiences hit the North the hardest. For millennia, the Northmen have also faced raids by wildlings coming over and around the Wall, and sometimes full-scale invasions when the wildlings were united by a King-Beyond-the-Wall. The North also has vast coastlines on both sides of the continent, vulnerable to attack by ironborn on the west coast, and pirates from the Free Cities on the east coast. As a result, Northmen have a reputation for being dour, stern, battle-hardened warriors. With every winter a fight for survival, Northmen take the burden of leadership very seriously as a matter of life and death. As a result, they still firmly believe in the tradition handed down by their First Men ancestors, that the man who passes the sentence of death must personally swing the sword used in the execution. The reasoning is that if a lord is not steadfast enough in his convictions to look a man he has sentenced in the eye and then kill him personally, there will be doubt that the condemned man was guilty."
NORTH OF THE WALL (FREE FOLK) - BOSSIER CITY
From the Game of Thrones Wiki: "The "Free Folk" is the name used to refer to themselves by the people who live in the lands beyond the Wall, still on the continent of Westeros but beyond the northern border of the Seven Kingdoms.The name they employ makes reference to their society, which recognizes no political authority and no claim of ownership over the land. The people of the Seven Kingdoms refer to the Free Folk derogatorily as "wildlings". The Free Folk consist of a wide variety of many fractious tribes and village-dwellers, some reasonably refined, others savage and hostile. Different wildling factions have very different cultures and practices, and may speak different languages. They spend much of their time fighting one another over petty squabbles."
Did the office get it right? Did they swing and miss wildly on something? Is there a better fit for a Louisiana city that we didn't put together? You can leave a comment below, or you can share this on Facebook or Twitter and tell everyone how dumb we are.