I am a redneck! Admitting it is the first step, isn't it?  I've been a redneck all my life.  My idea of the finest culinary cuisine is cold left-over deer steak or cathead biscuits and muscadine jelly.  But I didn't get to be a redneck all on my own.  That takes good redneck upbringing!  And that begs the question, "What do you get that Redneck Mom for Mother's Day?"

Bristol and I asked this question this morning and we got some really great answers. So, it's with the best intentions that I give you the "Ultimate Mother's Day Gifts for the Redneck Mom."

Here's one that Karen, a listener of ours says she wants.

Cake Decorating Supplies So I Can Make More Cakes Like This

Photo from Karen Hutson
Photo from Karen Hutson
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Yep, definitely one for the Redneck Mom!!!  What you wanna bet it's a red velvet cake under that icing?

Rubber Boots

Lacrosse Boots
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What real, rebel flag-flying southern Redneck Mom doesn't need a new pair? But don't skimp on quality or style; go big or go home. Get her a new pair of those Lacrosse 16-inch Alphafilly boots in LSU Purple. Hey, she'll be the most fashionable thing to ever walk in the Laundromat.


The Booby Pillow

Boob Pillow
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This is the greatest invention to come along since the "Hungry Man" TV dinner. Redneck women aren't traditionally very dainty and trying to get a good night's rest with those big things hung all around  her neck and heaven knows where is like trying to sleep with a couple of goats in the bed. This thing keeps everything separated and untangled -- just the way God intended.


Chicken Poop Lip Balm

Chicken Poop
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Just because she's a redneck Momma, doesn't mean she's immune to chapped lips.  Thank the Lord that we Rednecks at least have our own brand and she'll thank you for making sure she doesn't suffer.  (Just don't let her kiss you goodbye after she applies.)


Wrestling Tickets

WWE Presents Wrestlemania 23
Getty Images
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This is one she's praying you'll get for her. In fact, you'll make the gift even better if you'll go with her. She just loves it when everyone thinks she's your date.  And while you're there, be a big spender and get her the Grande' Nachos loaded with chili and cheese and make sure she gets plenty of draft beer. Hey, she can worry about her diet next week.


'Course, if you've already gotten her all these gifts before, you can just do what I do in a pinch and get her a gift certificate to Bass Pro Shops. But do it right and make it a $25 gift certificate and throw in a bag of Uncle Buck's Beef Jerky.

After all, she probably spent hours in labor and she couldn't smoke a Marlboro that whole day in the delivery room so nothing is too big for her.  Hey, she's Mom ain't she?

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