Things I’d Rather Do Than See Randy Travis Naked

Go big or go home — right? Well, Randy Travis definitely iced the crazy cake by not only getting another DWI this week, he was also naked. Actually, Drunk AND naked – a pretty rough combination when you’re laying on a public highway in Texas.

Read how spooked the witness was who called 911.

We’re pretty visual folks and we just can’t shake the image of Randy Travis laying there, passed smooth out, with his naked manly bits all bunched up to the asphalt;  slobberin’ on one those reflective center line bumps with a little bit of gravel stuck to his cheek;  laying in a puddle of left over Chili’s and purple drank, hummin’ a drunk man’s version of ‘Three Wooden Crosses’ meets ‘Diggin’ Up Bones’ as he wonders what the hell happened to his left boot or the rest of his clothes for that matter.  And there’s his ’98 Trans Am sitting sideways, smokin’ on top of a road construction sign and several orange cones with the driver side door hangin’ open and the faint sound of a Christian AM radio station cracklin’ through the speakers.

Yeah. . . you can see it. And that’s the edited version of what we imagine it looked like. In an effort to purge our minds of the mental scar we’ve created, (Honestly, it’s all drunk naked Randy’s fault) here are some things we’d rather do than see Randy Travis naked:

Gary:
“I’d rather be a Penn State Football Fan.”

“I’d rather drink the milk and eat the steak that I saw sitting in a return bin at Walmart.”

“I’d rather get a haircut with a flow bee.”

Tracy:

“I’d rather take the ACT again.”

“I’d rather sit on a toilet at the downtown Greyhound station.”

From Justin Prunty via the Kiss Country Facebook page: “I’d rather chew the gum from under the school bleachers.”

Finally, from Gary: “I’d rather lick the rim of a public restroom toilet than see Randy Travis naked…No, I’d rather see Randy Travis naked.”