The Mommy Chronicles – New Moms

So, I’m new to this, if you didn’t already know. New to the sleeplessness, to the I’ll dance and sing and do anything that looks absolutely ridiculous to keep you from crying---parent stuff. It's an adventure that no amount of "words of wisdom" can prepare you for.

Everyone tells you to “sleep now” in the days before your child arrives—of course you can’t sleep because you aren’t tired, you’re excited for the arrival of your bundle of joy. Then--when your bundle of joy arrives, everyone tells you to sleep when the baby sleeps. Well, I tried that for a week or two, but when I ran out of clean clothes and the only food in the house was moldy bread and dog biscuits, I realized that this too was poor advice.

Good intentions, but poor advice.

The thing about parenting is: there are very little useful warnings out there, very little raw, useful advice. No one told me: Don’t worry, in the first couple months there’ll be multiple days when you realize around 5pm that you haven’t brushed your teeth or put on deodorant that day—it’s okay, it happens.

Or how about this: you’ll realize that a little spit up on your sheets is no big deal. It never fails, I lay her on my bed as I get dressed and boom! Spit up. (if I’m lucky, it’s only spit up) Well, in the first couple months, when that happens, you quickly throw your sheets in the washer). Fast forward a few months as you are trying your hardest to get your sweet baby to sleep so you can transfer her to her crib in mommy ninja mode—and as you move her sweet little sleeping body you see it. A wet spot. Well you are well seasoned with all things body fluid by now. You realize that there isn’t much that you won’t curl and contort your body around just to save you a few more minutes of sleep.

When it comes to mystery fluids You quickly assess the issue, check the baby, where did this come from? Is it urine? Is it spit up? Is it worse? And if it is worse, is it wrong that I quickly step back and survey and pray that its on his side of the bed, not mine. Of course, this warrants a full bedding change, I’m never THAT tired.

I’m not above turning the mattress around after I’ve scrubbed it. I mean, my uterus grew this little miracle—and he can can sleep on the stain she left on our matress Yes, it’s a jungle out here in the world of parenting. I’m talking Bear Grylls/Survivor Mommy type stuff. Its like you are given a diaper bag with a few essentials and dropped off in the wild to figure it out yourself. And I think that’s how its supposed to be. We each find our own way I guess. Our own way to bathe them, feed them, comfort them. . Oh! How about our own way to change a diaper when we can’t get them to lay still (I’m working on this, and taking advice by the way)

Don’t mistake this for me thinking I have it all figured out. . . I think the only thing I’ve figured out is: that its okay to not have a clue what your doing. I think you’ll be okay at parenting as long as you know the rules change daily and you’ll end up sleeping in and around a few mysterious wet spots.