Dear Publisher’s Clearing House…

Dear Publisher's Clearing House,

Please stop playing with my emotions, better yet, please stop playing with my mother's. For as long as I can remember, she's religiously returned  your entries on a weekly basis, painstakingly finding each and every sticker, no matter how hard you tried to hide it, and affixing it to her entry. She has a method. Every third week she buys something from you, whether it be rubber funnels, costume jewelry, bulbs for her garden, whatever, to keep you interested, just so you might take an interest in such a loyal fan and arrive at her door with balloons, a big check and that gaudy PCH van.

Every time we dream of something in our life to make things easier, more convenient, etc... the stock reply is, 'When I win the Publisher's Clearing House, we'll do 'insert the blank.'" This answer applies to wishes for covered arenas, help around the barn, more gravel for the drive way, vet bills, college tuition and more. But we've been waiting to win the Publisher's Clearing House for a long time and with my mother turning 71-years-old this month, I think you've made her wait long enough.

So, please PCH, let my mom revel in one of your prizes. I guarantee she'll continue to order your trinkets. After all, where else can you get LED neck lights or microwave cleaner? You don't even have to give her $7,000 a week for life... even though I sure wouldn't mind if you did!