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An Open Letter to People Who Can’t Use Parking Lots

Dear Drivers Of Motorized Vehicles,

There aren’t many things in this world that make my blood boil with red hot fury. I mean, yes, there’s the obvious things like when people intentionally hurt other people, mess with kids, or pass gas in an elevator…but one thing that makes me want to scream obscenities at the top of my lungs is when people don’t know how to use a parking lot.

I know what you’re saying. “But, Gary… USE a parking lot? That seems like a pretty easy thing to get right.”

You would think…

Then I get a picture like this sent to me:

Brooke Long
Brooke Long

I mean…YOU’RE NOT EVEN IN A SPOT!!! Go ahead… just put it anywhere, because obviously the rules don’t apply to you. JEEZ!!!

Then there’s the people who go the wrong way down a parking lane. They look at you funny because you’re obeying the GIGANTIC YELLOW ARROW and it evolves into the slowest game of chicken ever.

And don’t even get me started on people who intentionally take up two parking spaces because they don’t want their precious wittle baby to get a scratch on it. Look…if you’re that concerned about your car getting a ding, keep it at home, in your garage, perhaps on a bed of silk that you can sleep on next to it. That’s why I like this video so much:

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Did he learn his lesson? Maybe…but probably not.

Look, all I’m saying is that a parking lot IS an easy thing to do right. There’s clearly marked directions and lines. Figure it out or ride the bus. I’ve got things to do, and I can’t be recovering from an anger induced stroke every time I go to the Wal-Mart. K?


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